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This friendship-first approach has fundamentally changed my understanding of dating and relationships.Observe what happened next…A year after meeting Jessica, I needed to travel to a new city for work and I realized that I had no place to stay there.New dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Coffee Meets Bagel make us log in with Facebook, and they display the mutual friends we share with users on the app, which generates feelings of credibility and trust.The worlds of dating and social networking are on a path toward convergence, and friendship is the driving force.Consider when a friend invites you to a trivia night and you meet one of their other friends there and hit it off, or when you go to a friend’s birthday party and bump into someone new.Unfortunately, our friends typically share similar social networks as us, so it’s a bit harder for them to introduce us to our existing social networks.Complaining about being “friendzoned” is incredibly harmful to our relationships and can cripple our capacity for both healthy friendships and healthy relationships.The friendship-first approach is not an isolated theory. Our existing friends have always been our best source of referrals.
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We explored new neighborhoods, meandered through parks, and people-watched out of a coffee shop’s balcony.
Sex and romance can definitely still happen in the context of friendship-first dating, but they are never assumed or expected, and the top priority is always to understand and validate someone’s existing preferences and goals rather than imposing your own goals and expectations upon them.
The concept of being “friendzoned” on an implicit expectation of sex, because it posits friendship as a suboptimal outcome instead of being a worthy end in and of itself.
Jessica later introduced me to yet another awesome friend in San Francisco, and once again, her friend and I ended up having amazing chemistry.
Jessica and I met up as friends, without any overt attempts at wooing, courting, or sleeping with one another. She came to understand my background story and my relationship goals and preferences ( talk about these things all the time), and I learned about hers.
According to PEW Research, the #1 most commonly cited reason people use online dating sites nowadays is to find someone with similar The dating site How About We has been doing this for years.
