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10-Jun-2020 19:38

Queens College sociology professor Samuel Heilman, spoke with The New Republic about the Orthodox world’s disregard for the individual and reliance on the community in the article “Ultra-Orthodox Jews Panicked Over Shidduch Matchmaking Crisis.” Heilman explained, “It’s all about communal ties. For the women, it’s about school, the children, other mothers.

If she’s not a mother, she’s nobody.” While Orthodox journalist Yossi Krausz claims that single women, “Basically, from the perspective of the community, they don’t really exist.” Maayan Jaffe-Hoffman noted in her article, “Jewish Singles are People,” too that “many singles feel isolated from and stigmatized by the Jewish community,” while many receive “second-class treatment by matchmakers.” Jaffe-Hoffman indicates, “Singles in general say they feel ill-judged by their communities simply for not being married.” Women are often blamed for their singledom, accusing that “women are not trying hard enough, not religious enough (or too religious), not pretty enough, are too fat or too picky.” Although not as drastic in the Modern Orthodox world, the Jewish community, in general, relies on the community of married families with children.

The isolation is only heightened in the Jewish community, where everything from synagogue to the community revolves around families, while many programs and activities for singles cater to college age and in the twenties.

Automatically there is something wrong if you are not married in your thirties, even worse if you are a woman.

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I think singles are craving something much more than what the apps provide and Jdate is not satisfying that need.” Although peppered with her brand of humor and more overtly sexual than any of the average Jewish matchmaker would ever approve but her view of the difficulties of navigating dating and finding a husband in one’s thirties is spot on.For Jews living in both the religious and secular worlds, their problems of dating in their thirties are doubled.There seem to be three major problems other than singledom itself, the isolation, higher standard and higher stakes, and the opinion men have of women dating in their thirties, and an extra one in the religious world the opinion of the matchmakers.

There is a distinct disadvantage of being single in your thirties; there is more social isolation.

Like every other issue in the Jewish community, it is swept under the rug and glossed over.